So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
