Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
