I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
