Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
