great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize