Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
