it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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