btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
