A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
