i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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