i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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