For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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