Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
