I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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