sarcasm needs its own font
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
