I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
