You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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