At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
