At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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