hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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