Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
