You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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