We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
