Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
