how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
