Kiss
Puke
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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