when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
