I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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