Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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