as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
