why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is the high leading the old right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
