Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize