shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
