I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Soap is not a condiment
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
