does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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