Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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