I skipped work to stalk him.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
