I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
