Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
