Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
