Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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