Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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