i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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