Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
