she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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