remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
