got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
