Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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