Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
