somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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