where am i from again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
how does that bad decision feel?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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