Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
