no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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