We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize