I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
