Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
