Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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