What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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