he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
