She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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