he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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