i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
