forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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