Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize