you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
